If I were a newer arrival to this City, and not one who had been here for more than three years, I might be more disconcerted over the fact that my zanpakutou has... become... what I believe is commonly referred to as a "weed whacker".

Thankfully, I am not.

"Speaking of" new arrivals, to use the common turn of phrase, it is confirmed fact at this point in time that the usually observed cycle of arrivals has been, it seems, interrupted. However, this is not something that has never occurred before. If this proceeds as it has in the past, it will resume soon enough in to regular pattern. On occassion, I almost believe the deities choose to do this in order to force me to change my notes. ... if I were to believe such a self-centered thought.

... Ishida Uryu. Lockon Stratos. Might I consult with you regarding a trivial issue?

[ooc; ... pff Kuroshitsuji canon shinigami all wield... gardening tool death scythes stfu]

It is very rarely that I find myself almost wishing to have been cursed when I was not. But... I feel like I may have benefited from it. Though there is no use wishing. "If wishes were fishes we would all cast nets", "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride"... and etcetera.

[filtered from ishida uryu;

I am in need of advice concerning a gift for... a friend?... someone I respect?... someone who is very important to me.

Should I stay with the "traditional" gift giving practice, such as this?

Or... do a "personal" gift, which I am afraid may be considered by the receivers as somewhat eclectic and perhaps... "odd".

There is also the option of a "useful" gift- but I am afraid such a gift may appear mundane and lacking effort.

... it is a very complicated process, gift giving.

( [Operations] )

Ah. Three years here, and still the same event occurs, with no exact pattern detectable.

All recently arrived Soul Society shinigami, please report in with name, rank, and last recollection of events regarding the current conflict in our world.

If any messages from "fans" wish to be delivered to the 12th division or other shinigami not present, please leave them here and I will see to their delivery.

Mayuri-sama, if-

That is all for now, thank you.

I have yet to fully understand the normal human compunction of shame regarding sexual intercourse.

I do not have a "sex life". I have not had sex in 77 days. Before intercourse with Lockon Stratos, I had not been intimate with another being, one Kurosaki Ichigo, for 446 days.

I am unsure why, beyond the curse today, I feel compelled to state these things. I may ask, if you would, not to be shocked or disgusted towards those two males- I am told I can be the aggressor in certain situations, and Mayuri-sama designed me to be strong and durable- and it was not their faults, but mine, as both times a curse was active, and I should have been able to resist such a thing if possible.

However, I do not "regret". I am clear of disease. I am not ashamed of my actions, though I hope the other parties involved are not scandalized by this, as they are persons I hold a measure of... concern and affection for.

I did destroy the video tape, as requested by Lockon Stratos.

Mayuri-sama would not approve.

Beginning viral marketing campaign plan 003f in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...|



Featuring the vocal talents of the heiress Kuchiki and Sun², lead guitarist Kurosaki, Abarai on bass, Quincy on keyboard, percussive god Hirako, and the backup vocal talents and other instrumentals by OriTats, Keigo, and M0m0.

No questions. Be there.

For those like myself who may have cannibalized human flesh yesterday against their will there are a few medical precautions and concerns you need be made aware of.

If you have consumed brain matter, there is a chance of infection from TSEs, or prion diseases. In the human world I am familiar with, these diseases are without treatment, and prove fatal. Please watch for neurological impairments, such as memory loss, change in personality, headaches, and unintended movements such as trembling.

More likely, however, is the possibility of disease transmission through blood. Commonly one would expect to see HIV, Hepatitis B and C, and assorted viral haemorrhagic fevers. Please be aware of symptoms such as fever, muscle pains, swollen lymph nodes, blood in urine or stool, or increased susceptibility to common illness such as a cold.

Tests are available for some of those diseases- it may be advisable to report to a medical professional and have said tests administered.

...

Thank you.

For a while now, I have been living off my savings and commissions work, but I find it once again necessary to take a salary position.

My name is Kurotsuchi Nemu. I am a shinigami. I have been in this City for over three years time.

My specialized skills lie in the fields of research, experimentation, and hand to hand combat. I am easily adaptable to medical work and clerical positions.

However, I may also note that should other positions be needed by potential employers, I am also skilled and capable at manual labor, menial tasks, and following instructions to the letter. I am designed to be able to serve any number of functions.

My only restriction is that I cannot compromise any sensitive information pertaining to Soul Society, or Mayuri-sama's research.

Thank you.

I will field any and all questions.

I am aware that most all of Soul Society detests Mayuri-sama.

I am well aware that my own division does not afford me as much respect as other vice-captains receive. They respect Mayuri-sama, they do not respect me.

I am most aware that the way he treats me is considered by most as highly inappropriate, and... abusive, to use the word.

I know this.

But I also know nothing will change. In the end, though I may come to understand, and I... do. Understand. Here.

That when he is around once more, whether coming to this place, or my return to his side, it will eventually return to how it was.

And I will not complain. Nor will anyone else. I do not begrudge them it, either. I do not expect anyone to stand up to Mayuri-sama, especially on my behalf. It is kind enough of them to say these things unofficially.

...

And I am aware that I am cursed, as I have just publicly stated things I would never otherwise articulate.

[ooc; that is one creepy elephant thar, Nemu]

Perhaps it is simply because I am meant to not feel influenced by such emotions as pride, a stubborn nature, or indignation, and yet... I cannot help but feel curious as to the motives of those who would rather continue to protest rather than seek release. If one feels one has been unjustly imprisoned, should not one seek to debate this with those in charge of this prison?

I have spoken to the... "Parole Board". And while I must concur that their odd appearance are somewhat belying to the actions they are meant to carry out, I can only vouch for my personal state.

I was charged with the inhumane treatment of research subjects. This is an action I cannot deny. I did commit such acts.

I apologized. I do not feel as if it was a positive thing I did. I promised community service, assisting to put people back together, rather than take them apart. ... I attempted to be somewhat... creative... with the wording of that sentence, yet I feel I must clarify that what I mean by this is I pledged community service in the hospital.

And now, I am no longer imprisoned.

What I mean to convey is that I believe those who believe themselves falsely imprisoned, or feel sorry for their actions, should pursue this venue.

I will now repeat that, in larger font, for the benefit of those who would rather not read such a testament.

I, Kurotsuchi Nemu, highly recommend persons falsely imprisoned and those repentant, to seek audience with the "parole board".

Thank you.

[the transmission is static at first, until slowly the image some might recognize as Nemu- if not dressed slightly differently, and sporting rather interesting equipment, slowly comes in to view, far too close to the screen, speaking to herself- or the device- in rather low, slightly quizzical tones]

... You are malfunctioning. Why?

You are not overheated... nor has the tension coil broken, nor has the core drive begun to leak again...

If you remain in a state of disrepair, my efficiency will be highly compromised...

[she leans back, a smudge of oil across her cheek, tools in hand, to begin tinkering with something on the floor, until she sits back up and taps straight on the screen]

Are you broacasting now?

( Bleach Crew minus Hueco Mundo Crew Filter; Unhackable; )

For the record, I do believe that some of the poetry I observed the other day was most creative. As someone not meant to create such works, I am more impressed.

It is my hope Mayuri-sama and President Yamamoto will be pleased with the new prints for my portfolio.

Before I present them to the company, if I may please poll the populace for their opinions. Mayuri-sama would be most displeased if these shoots proved unproductive to my... career.

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Your input would be... appreciated. And Mayuri-sama would like another video sample-

[ooc; WARNING, SOME OF THOSE LINKS ARE NSFW, so please don't click them if you don't want to see such things. ;; Ahum- UNCYCLOPEDIA: BLEACH, for the genre switch curse day. Note the portion talking about the... Japan Modeling Society being a front for the porn industry. Nemu is one of the characters that gets no specific mention in that article, so, as she is in Soul Society, Daddy!Mayuri is a freak, and the porn mention... okay, we roll with it, we roll... o/ don't shoot me]

...

This is not what I believe my repairs were intended for.

Mayuri-sama... ? Everyone el-?

[ooc; ... yeah, she's back. .__.v]

Ah.

There are too many variables.

If it is something in this room, or something on my person, that is dampening my reiatsu... or something in the City.

Then, how large is the radius of influence exerted by said item, how strong is it's ability to dampen those stronger than myself, if it will dampen others, and not only I-

...

Mayuri-sama, if you will excuse me a moment.

[ooc; any shinigami / spirit sensitive, Nemu's encountered her kryptonite]

( Private to Yuri Lowell; Unhackable; )

Citizens, please educate yourself in order to cut down on the amount of complaints and "whining" come the end of this sort of curse.

For those who have just now experienced this phenomenon for the first time, I will explain.

From time to time, and in the past three months, once a month, there is a two day period of time in which various curses that have occurred in the pass occur again, and many persons are afflicted with many seperate conditions.

Oft seen "repeat" curses include the changing of one's age or gender, and various other conditions are possible as well, including pointless changing of one's speaking patterns, and also more potentially dangerous afflictions such as changing one's nature, memory, or past.

Exercise caution, restraint when able, and you should be "fine".

( Private to Ishida Uryu; Unhackable )

( Private to Lockon Stratos; Unhackable )

( Private to Yuri Lowell; Unhackable )

( Private to Mayuri-sama; Unhackable )

The point, please, of irises from the sky?

( Private; Unhackable; )

( Private to Mayuri; Unhackable; )

...

I would remind citizens to kindly cease and desist such useless action, but I realize it would be pointless.

It has come to my attention that Mayuri-sama is being unduly harassed by several citizens of this City, as well as members of our own world.

It would be best if all were to remember that Mayuri-sama is the captain of the 12th division, and his actions are to be his own, and sanctioned by those other than yourselves.

Kindly cease and desist.

A bill shall be delivered to cover the cost of lost equipments and materials.

( [Operations] )

If this program has been initialized, my creator, Kurotsuchi Mayuri, has arrived in the City.

Undoubtedly, if shinigami or quincy are present, they either plan to or have already cautioned the populace regarding the dangers of interacting with Mayuri-sama.

It would be in one's best interest to no longer interact with my person, nor to approach Mayuri-sama.

If someone whom I know would secure my apartment, and the contents and animal within, I would be grateful.

Thank you, and my apologies.

[ooc; so- the last people will be hearing from Nemu in a while. She'll respond to comments, but responses can be assumed to be at a later time (since this is activated remotely to post, she'll have to wait till Mayuri is elsewhere to reply, see?) And yeah, asking someone to take care of her cat, crai |D]